The regrets of the dying don’t come as a surprise to someone who studies the human mind for a living. Every night I step onto a stage, I watch real people walk up from the audience, sit in a chair, and willingly hand over their critical, analytical minds. Within minutes, they are completely under. Living in a reality I suggest to them, entirely disconnected from their normal anxieties, fears, and social conditioning.
But here is the truth that keeps me up at night: most people don’t need me to hypnotize them. They are already walking through life in a deep, permanent trance.
Hypnotized by routine. By societal expectations. And by the dangerous belief that they have “plenty of time” to finally live the life they want.
The Regrets of the Dying: What Bronnie Ware’s Hospice Research Revealed
This isn’t just a theory. A landmark piece of palliative care research by Bronnie Ware surveyed patients in hospice care during their final weeks of life. The study compiled the Top Five Regrets of the Dying, and the findings should shake you awake.
When people run completely out of time, the social suggestion finally wears off. The trance breaks. They see reality clearly. But only when it’s too late to change it.
As a professional hypnotist, I spend my life studying how easily the human mind is programmed. If you want to snap out of the autopilot script before you reach the end of your life, you have to consciously look at these five universal hospice regrets and rewrite your programming today.
1. “I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Live a Life True to Myself”
This was the most common regret of all in the hospice study. And it makes perfect sense when you understand how suggestion works.
From the moment we are born, the world installs software in our brains. It tells us what a “successful” life looks like, what career to choose, and how to behave. Most people live a script written by their parents, their peers, or their culture. They never question the code running underneath their daily decisions.
Snap out of it: The courage to break the trance means realizing that you are the author of your own choices. When the hospice patients looked back, they saw how many dreams went unfulfilled simply because they tried to please everyone else. Stop letting external expectations dictate your life. The script was never yours to begin with.
2. “I Wish I Hadn’t Worked So Hard”
The study noted that this regret came from every single male patient, as well as many females. They deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence, missing their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.
Snap out of it: We have been deeply conditioned to trade our highest-value asset, time, for a script that says “happiness comes after retirement.” On stage, I can make someone forget their own name. In real life, the “hard work” trance makes people forget to live. Reclaim your calendar. Your time cannot be earned back. Not a single minute of it.
3. “I Wish I’d Had the Courage to Express My Feelings”
Many hospice patients admitted they suppressed their feelings to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many even developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried inside for years.
Snap out of it: Suppressing your voice is a form of self-sabotaging hypnosis. True confidence is waking up to your own worth, saying what needs to be said, and letting the chips fall where they may. Don’t leave your truest thoughts unsaid. The words you swallow don’t disappear. They sit inside you and rot.
4. “I Wish I Had Stayed in Touch With Friends”
The research showed that patients often didn’t realize the full value of old friendships until their dying weeks. By then, those golden relationships had slipped away in a blur of domestic routine and busy lifestyles. Gone. Just like that.
Snap out of it: Isolation is the default state of the modern trance. We promise ourselves we’ll call next week, but decades slip by. Break the cycle. Pick up the phone, send the text, make the trip. Real relationships require active presence, not passive intentions. Nobody on their deathbed wished they’d spent more time scrolling.
5. “I Wish That I Had Let Myself Be Happier”
This is perhaps the most profound finding from the hospice study. Many patients did not realize until the very end that happiness is a choice. They stayed stuck in old patterns and habits, allowing the fear of change to keep them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content.
Snap out of it: Notice the phrasing: “let myself.” It acknowledges that happiness was always available, but they blocked it because they were waiting for the “perfect” conditions. Happiness is not a destination you reach. It is a daily decision to shake off the negative mental programming and choose joy right now. Not tomorrow. Not after the promotion. Now.
The Awakening
My job on stage is to put people to sleep so they can entertain an audience. My mission in writing this is to wake you up.
The hospice data shows us exactly where the standard script leads. Five regrets. Five warnings from people who ran out of time to rewrite their story. You don’t have to wait until your final weeks to see your life clearly.
You only get one performance on this stage called life. Stop living it under someone else’s suggestion. If you want to understand how powerfully your mind can be reprogrammed, reach out or come see a live show. You might be surprised what you discover about yourself when the trance finally breaks.
Richard Barker’s Final Thoughts
I’ve spent over two decades studying how the mind accepts suggestion. The scariest part isn’t what happens on my stage. It’s what happens off it. People sleepwalk through entire lifetimes following a script they never chose. Bronnie Ware’s research is the clearest proof we have. The good news? You’re reading this, which means you still have time to rewrite your story. Don’t waste it.
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Regrets of the Dying FAQs
What are the top 5 regrets of the dying?
According to Bronnie Ware’s palliative care research, the five most common regrets are: not living true to themselves, working too hard, not expressing feelings, losing touch with friends, and not allowing themselves to be happier. These regrets were gathered from patients in their final weeks of life.
Who is Bronnie Ware and why is her research important?
Bronnie Ware is an Australian palliative care nurse who spent years caring for patients in their last weeks of life. She documented the most common regrets they shared, first in a blog post that went viral in 2009, then in a book translated into 27 languages. Her work remains one of the most widely cited studies on end-of-life reflection.
How does hypnosis relate to living with fewer regrets?
Hypnosis demonstrates how easily the mind accepts suggestion and follows a script without questioning it. The same principle applies to daily life, where societal conditioning, routine, and fear keep people locked in patterns they never consciously chose. Understanding this “social trance” is the first step toward breaking free of it.
Can you change your life patterns after reading about the regrets of the dying?
Yes. Awareness is the first step toward change. The hospice patients gained clarity only when it was too late, but you can use their insights right now. Start by identifying which of the five regrets resonates most with your current life, then take one concrete action this week to shift that pattern.
